The reason artists get so frustrated with their work is because they know, try as they might, there's always something missing. Something a little not right, and this is true whether you write, or paint, or dance, or create. That's because there are things in this world that can never be explained, or put onto paper, or into sound and movement. No matter how great I write, I don't think I'll ever be able to explain to a person the beauty of the sunset on the beach if they've never seen it themselves. Even if they see a photograph in a magazine, it won't compare to seeing it in person. That's because beauty needs to be experienced, not witnessed from behind a solid plate of bullet proof glass.

Just like you or me. People want nothing more than to be with that one person who will know them without ever having to explain it. But the thing is your filled with that essence, that something that every artists tries to capture. Like the sunset, your heart and soul can't be explained. You can't be explained, or captured or understood in a two dimensional image or any amount to poetry. You can only be experienced, and loved. The one's that know you the best, are the one's who don't try to define you. They don't question your actions or those strange little contradictions that make you who you are. The people that know you the best, are the people who just sit beside you to watch the sunset, rather than wasting their lives trying to capture and understand what about it quiets their souls.
I wrote this some time ago, after a revelation I had regarding myself and the people in it. You see, I've always had this intense need, this desire for people to know me on the deep level that I get to know them. But I wanted something more than that too, something utterly impossible. I wanted proof that they knew, and I wanted them to sit down and explain to me in plain English who, and what I was. Well, it's safe to say I knew how ridiculous that notion the day I wrote that.

I don't remember if I mentioned my appointment with a psychic healer in latter posts, but I just got through with him. It left me feeling oddly refreshed, despite feeling like we go no where far, and seventy five dollars lighter.

But I want to ask something of you, my few but I hope dedicated readers. Ask me questions. Make me be specific in answering them. Be interested in who I am, who I was, who I want to be, because that's what I need right now. (Along with short term goal setting, and better relationships.)


  1. Sorry, Melissa Rose, I missed this post last week.

    So I ask: when you were competing as a gymnast, did you have in view that as a profession? Did you think of yourself as a writer then?

    When you write now, do you have in mind self-disclosure? Do you mask your full complete feelings in your blog or do you write to your audience? In your private journal, how deeply personal do you go? Do you dare write, on paper, everything deep inside you?

    Have you ever written a log about what your life will be five years from now? Twenty?

  2. It's quite all right. Thank you for asking. :)

    When I was competing as a gymnast I was really hard on myself. I didn't think I was very good and I didn't think I was ever going to do it professionally. In fact I didn't even realize how much I loved it, and how good I was, until about a month after I stopped. Then I kicked myself for not putting up more of a fight about being able to continue.

    I wasn't writing much back then. I was mostly a jock and spent my days running around more than writing in journals.

    I get scared sometimes with my writing. At times I think the only reason I'm doing it is because people expect it of me. Back in high school I thought the only reason I was doing it was because I wasn't good at anything else. But then I realized, if I'm that afraid of not doing it, than I must be doing it because I want to.

    That being said I'm incapable of masking anything when I write, but I try to make it understandable on my blog. My private journals are full of lots of poetic language and I use imagery and symbolism that no one in their rights minds can understand but me.

    To put it simply, while I don't filter myself on my blog I most assuredly translate it. It's not that I try to be poetic and cryptic. It's just the way my mind works. I experience and feel, and explain through a collection of sights, sounds and smells. Just saying I feel happy, or sad, or elated or depressed, isn't enough to capture the full weight and essence of what I feel. So the only way I know to express it, is through a bunch of metaphors put together.

    For instance one time I told a story about a man dying in the dessert to explain my anger and pain towards the people in my life who I felt abandoned and betrayed me, because just saying it happened wasn't enough to get those emotions out... maybe I'll write a blog entry about this some time soon.

    1. Thank you for revealing the inner reasons and emotions of your writing life. Baring one's thoughts, ideas, and motivations can be easy for some at times. Harder at times, I think.

      You use the words think, feel, fear, afraid alot in your writing. Perhaps you should explore other words to express more of your inner writing life. Maybe an exercise in reflection. Maybe further intrepretation of your cyptic, metaphoric, symbolic world.

      Just suggesting...thanks again!

    2. I never noticed that. It could be my subconscious speaking to me, it could be limited vocabulary. lol (One of my many contradictions to my writing dream)

      Thanks for the advice. :)

    3. My pleasure to be of assistance. I look forward to your posts!



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